Sermon 330
SERMO 330
On the Birthday of the Martyrs
The beginning of the discourse.
The feast of the blessed martyrs and your Holiness's expectation demand a discourse from us. For we understand that it is fitting for us to speak on this day. You wish this, we desire this: may He grant the ability, who gives the will, in whose hands are both we and our words. For in this, the martyrs burned with flame: kindled with love for the unseen, they despised the visible. What did he love in himself, who despised even himself, lest he lose himself? For they were temples of God, and felt the true God dwell within them; therefore they did not worship false gods. They had heard, eagerly imbibed, and committed to the deepest marrow of their hearts, and in a way had internalized what the Lord said: "If anyone wishes to come after me, let him deny himself." He says, "Let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me." I want to say something from this, and your eagerness frightens me, prayer commands.
A disciple of Christ ought to deny himself.
What is it, I ask you: If anyone wants to come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me? We understand what it is: let him take up his cross; let him endure his tribulation: for to take up is to carry, to bear. Patiently, he says, let him accept all that he suffers for my sake. And follow me. Where? Where do we know that he went after the resurrection? For he ascended into heaven and sits at the right hand of the Father. There he placed us also. Meanwhile, let hope precede, so that reality may follow. How hope should precede, those who listen know, "Lift up your hearts." But it remains necessary to seek, with the Lord's help, and to examine, and with his opening, to enter, and with his gift, to find, and to bring to you what we have been able to find out, what it means when he says: Let him deny himself. How does he deny himself who loves himself? It is in the way of reason, but human reason: a man says to me: How does he deny himself who loves himself? But God says to man, Let him deny himself, if he loves himself. For by loving himself, he loses himself: by denying himself, he finds himself. He who loves, he says, his soul, will lose it. He commands who knows what he commands, for he knows how to heal who knows how to instruct, and he knows how to restore who has deigned to create. He who loves, let him lose. It is a sorrowful thing to lose what you love. But sometimes even the farmer loses what he sows. He brings out, scatters, casts away, buries. Why do you wonder? That despiser and destroyer is a covetous harvester. Winter and summer have proved what has been done; they have shown you the joy of the reaper, the counsel of the sower. Therefore, he who loves his soul, will lose it. He who seeks fruit in it, let him sow it. This is, therefore, let him deny himself, lest by loving it perversely, he lose himself.
Perverse self-love is truly self-contempt. Love of money to the point of contempt for the soul.
For no one exists who does not love himself; but righteous love is to be sought, perverse love to be avoided. For whoever, forsaking God, loves himself, and forsakes God by loving himself, remains not even in himself, but goes out and away from himself. He goes out as an exile from his own heart, despising the inner, loving the outer. What did I say? Do not all who do evil despise their own conscience? But he sets a limit to his own iniquity, whoever has blushed for his own conscience. Therefore, because he despised God in order to love himself, by loving what is outside himself, which he is not, he also despised himself. See, hear the Apostle bearing witness to this sentiment: In the last days, he says, perilous times will come. What are perilous times? Men will be lovers of themselves. This is the source of evil. Let us see, then, if they even remain in themselves by loving themselves; let us see, let us hear what follows: Men will be lovers of themselves, covetous. Where are you who loved yourself? Surely you are outside. I ask you, is money you? Surely because you loved yourself, neglecting God, by loving money you also forsook yourself. First you forsook yourself, then you lost yourself. For the love of money caused you to lose yourself. You lie for the sake of money: a lying mouth kills the soul. Behold, while seeking money, you lost your soul. Bring forth the balance of truth, not greed: bring forth the scale, but of truth, not greed; bring it forth, I beseech you, and place money on one side and the soul on the other. Now you weigh, and apply fraudulent fingers out of greed; you want the part with money to sink. Place it, do not weigh: you wish to cheat yourself; I see what you are doing. You wish to prefer money to your soul; to lie for it, to lose this. Place it, let God weigh; He who cannot be deceived nor deceive, let Him weigh. Behold, He is weighing; see Him weighing, hear Him reporting: What does it profit a man if he gain the whole world? It is the divine voice, it is the voice of the one weighing, not deceiving; reporting, admonishing. You placed money on one side and the soul on the other; see where you placed the money. What does He who weighs respond? You placed money: What does it profit a man if he gain the whole world, but suffer the loss of his soul? But you wanted to weigh the soul with gain: weigh it with the world. You wanted to lose it so that the earth could be acquired by you: it has more weight than heaven and earth. But you do this because by forsaking God and loving yourself, you went out and away from yourself; and now you value external things more than yourself. Return to yourself: but again, when you return to yourself, do not remain in yourself. Return first from those things outside to yourself, and then give yourself back to Him who made you, and sought you when lost, and found you when fleeing, and turned you back to Himself when you were turned away. Therefore return to yourself, and go to Him who made you. Imitate that younger son; for perhaps you are him. I speak to the people, not to one man; even if all can hear me, I speak not to one, but to the human race. Therefore return, be that younger son, who lived wastefully with his substance dispersed and lost, needed, fed pigs, fatigued by hunger breathed, recalled his father in his memory. And what does the Gospel say about him? And he returned to himself. He who had forsaken even himself, returned to himself, let us see if he remained in himself. Returning to himself he said: I will arise. Therefore he had fallen. I will arise, he said, and go to my father. Behold, now he denies himself, who found himself. How does he deny himself? Listen: And I will say to him, I have sinned, he said, against heaven and before you. He denies himself. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Behold what the holy martyrs did. They despised the things that were outside; all the allurements of this world, all its errors and terrors, whatever pleased, whatever terrified, they despised everything, they trampled everything. They came even to themselves, and considered themselves; they found themselves within themselves, they were displeased with themselves: they ran to Him who had formed them, in whom they could be revived, in whom they could abide, in whom what they had become by themselves would perish, and what He had created in them would remain. This is denying oneself.
Peter's fear upon hearing of the future passion of Christ. He said he would deny himself anything.
This Peter the apostle could not yet understand when he said to our Lord Jesus Christ, who was predicting His passion: "Far be it from you, Lord; this shall not happen to you." He was afraid that life would die. Just now, when the holy Gospel was read, you heard what blessed Peter responded to the Savior as He was predicting, and in a certain way promising, His passion for us. The captive was contradicting the Redeemer. What are you doing, Apostle? How do you contradict? How do you say: "This shall not happen"? Will the Lord not suffer then? The word of the cross is a stumbling block to you; it is foolishness to those who are perishing. You need to be redeemed, and you contradict the Redeemer? Let Him suffer: He knows what He is doing, He knows why He came, He knows how to seek you, He knows how to find you. Do not teach your teacher; seek your price from His side. Rather, listen to Him who corrects you: do not will to correct Him; it is perverse, it is preposterous. Listen to what He says: "Get behind me." And because He said it, I say it; I will not be silent about the word of the Lord, nor will I insult the Apostle. The Lord Christ said: "Get behind me, Satan." Why Satan? Because you want to go before me. Do you not want to be Satan? Get behind me. For if you go behind me, you follow me; if you follow me, you will take up your cross, and you will not be my counselor, but my disciple. For why did you fear, when the Lord predicted His death? Why did you fear, except because you too feared to die? By fearing to die, you did not deny yourself, by loving yourself wrongly, you denied Him. But afterward, blessed Peter the apostle, after denying the Lord three times, erased that fault by weeping: strengthened by the Lord's resurrection, he was built up and died for Him whom he had denied by fearing to die; by confessing, he found death, but by finding death, he seized life. And behold now, Peter does not die; all fear has passed, no more tears for him, all has gone away, he remains blessed with Christ. For he trod down all outward allurements, threats, and terrors: he denied himself, took up his cross, and followed the Lord. Listen to the apostle Paul also denying himself: "Far be it from me," he says, "to glory, except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom the world is crucified to me, and I to the world." Still listen to him denying himself: "I live," he says, "yet not I." An open denial of self: but now follows a glorious confession of Christ, "Christ lives in me." What then is, "Deny yourself"? Do not live in yourself. What is, "Do not live in yourself"? Do not do your own will, but His who dwells in you.