Sermon 354A

Sermon 354/A

Sermon of Saint Augustine the bishop
on the good of marriage

"Let us remember our mortality."

The readings of the Lord's day and the divine word and heavenly authority in the holy Scriptures which have just been recited urge the human race to remember its mortality because an end is going to come. For to every human being, that is, to each individual human, the end is near, even if perchance the end of the human race itself is distant. Therefore, as I began to say, the divine word seems to urge us to remember our mortality because an end is coming. However, let one meditate upon the life where there is no end: one who remembers that he is mortal will deserve to attain immortal life.

From the Word of God, the faithful and the unfaithful learn the truth.

You have heard the Pharisees asking the Lord, testing Him, whether it is permissible to divorce one's wife for any cause. He responds with the truth, for He is the truth. For they did not make the Lord lie by testing Him, so that both the faithful and the unbeliever might learn the truth; and so that the worshiper of God might be instructed, the tempter hears the truth. I said this so that men might not think that the Lord God said anything different from what the matter is, because they were not asking faithfully, but were testing through their question. Therefore, it does not matter to us what kind of people questioned, but what He said, not what kind of man struck the rock, but what kind of water flowed out. Therefore, in the Lord's response, the married have something to learn, as do those who are not yet married, or those who have already out of good intent refused marriage. Speaking according to these words of the Lord, even the time reminds us of this, because it is thought to be the end time.

I want you to be without anxiety.

It pertains to us more greatly now, with greater care and greater concern and greater devotion, what the apostle says: "From now on, brothers, the time is short. It remains that those who have wives be as though they had none, and the rest, and those who buy as though they did not possess, and those who rejoice as though they did not rejoice, and those who use this world as though they did not use it. For the fashion of this world passes away. I want you to be without concern." Then he adds: "He who is without a wife thinks about the things that are of God, how he may please God; but he who is married thinks about the things of the world, how he may please his wife." A great difference: to think about the things of God and to think about the things of the world. It cannot happen that a comparison joins together what thought divides so. But if some married man has become ardent to promise continence, let him look at his side, see if it follows, and if it follows, let him lead; if it does not follow, let him not leave. Perhaps he can and she cannot, or she can and he cannot, let him understand that they are one flesh. You have heard not some man, but the Lord of men himself giving commands to Christians in responding to the Jews: "Have you not read," he says, "that from the beginning God made them male and female, and he said: Therefore a man shall leave father and mother and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall be two in one flesh? Therefore they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

What Paul teaches about the use of marriage.

It seems improper to dispute this matter too diligently. But we must not think ourselves so sane as to not sympathize with the sick. For who are we compared to the holiness of the Apostle Paul? And yet, with pious humility, with a healthful word, divine medicine entered human chambers. And such great sanctity approached the marriage beds, saw those lying down, did not lay aside the habit of holiness, and yet gave counsel to weakness: “Let the husband give the wife her due.” It is due: let him render it. Similarly, the wife to the husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. This is not surprising. For the woman is subject to the husband, and in the husband is the initiative, in the woman the obedience. Nevertheless, in this matter in which both sexes are joined, while in other respects the woman ought to be a servant to the man, in this, I say, the condition is equal. Therefore, it was not enough for the Apostle to say: “The woman does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does” – he decently referred to the sex by the name of the body, to avoid obscenity. What he said is understood: the woman does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Similarly, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. In this matter, the sexes are distinguished by their spouses. What belongs to someone else: it is owed to the woman.

Man cannot separate what God has joined.

A man cannot have such judgment from there as to say: "I can now abstain. If you can, do this with me; if you cannot, you will in no way obstruct me: I do what I can." What then? Do you want, O man, that your side perishes? For if the weaker flesh cannot abstain, the weaker will shall fornicate, by fornicating it will be condemned. May it not happen that his punishment is your crown! "You are deceived: it will not be, it will not be so. It will not be that you say to me that since he fornicates he will be condemned, it is better for her to be alone than together." If you say this, you are deceived. For marriage is not condemned, what God has joined together is not condemned, let not man separate. You are a man; by seizing continence without the consent of your wife, as a man, you seek to separate what God has deigned to bind together. "But God," he says, "separates, because I do this for God." Indeed, if anywhere you have read that God has said: "If you have intercourse with your wife, I will condemn you," do what you will, lest you be condemned together. But when you hear the apostle of Christ saying: The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive each other of... .

Do not defraud one another. In what sense?

"He said: to defraud is by denying a debt, not by committing adultery. For he was speaking about debts to be rendered, and was urging married couples to render their mutual debts. He would not have permitted adulteries in the following words, where, after he had said, 'Do not defraud one another,' he added, 'except by mutual consent for a time.' Therefore, are adulteries to be committed by consent? If you think that the phrase 'Do not defraud one another' has to do with adulteries, what does 'except by mutual consent' mean? God forbid that a husband and wife should permit each other to commit adulteries by mutual consent. Modest and patient wives are accustomed to endure these things. To tolerate such a husband pertains to female chastity. But let the husband not feel secure because of this; he should rather be cautious lest he later be condemned, who now is said to be tolerated. But the matter is clear, and the apostolic word does not need explanation; because 'do not defraud one another' means, to not refuse each other their conjugal duties, except by mutual consent for a time, so that, he says, you may devote yourselves to prayer. You see, therefore, that the apostle admonished a certain continence, or rather a temporary truce of continence, to arouse and offer prayers, and with that concern, such health deigned not to be scorned as it approached the beds of the weak: And again, be together for the same purpose."

Let him who can take it, take it.

When you continue for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, again be together for the same purpose. Do you command this, apostle? "This," he says. And where is the modesty, where the great reverence of sanctity? "But I," he says, "know the danger of weakness." In fact, he did not keep silent about the reason for his advice. "Do you want to hear," he says, "why I said: Be together again for the same purpose? So that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." Then he continues, lest it seem that he has allowed it, but commanded - for it is one thing to permit weakness, another to command faith: "But this," he says, "I say as a concession." "What I say: Be together again for the same purpose, I say as a concession, not as a command. I do not command this for chastity, but I permit it for weakness. It is not commendable, but pardonable: as a concession. For I wish everyone were as I am, but each one has his own gift from God, one in this way, another in that." Wherefore also the Lord: He who can accept this, let him accept it.

Marriage is not to be reproved as if it were a lesser evil.

Here someone might perhaps say: "If the apostle granted this according to indulgence and yielded to the weakness of humans, marriage is a sin. For to whom is indulgence granted, if not to sin?" Clearly, what the apostle conceded to human weakness according to indulgence - I dare say - is a sin, but there does not lie the good of marriage. Therefore, discern, brothers, and assist me with your attention as I navigate this very difficult passage and labor before the Lord for you. He grants indulgence to such an act; of course, he refers to the intercourse of the married, not adulterers, and yet he says it is according to indulgence, not according to command. "I pardon, I do not command." A married man might say: "O apostle, if you pardon, I sin." Therefore, I do not want the defender of the good of marriage to bring this reasoning to me, saying: "Marriage is good so that adultery may not occur." I want them to be good, not a minor evil. For he who says: "Marriage should be done so that adultery may not occur; for even to marriages indulgence is granted, and to marriages pardon is conceded," speaks of two evils, not one good and one evil, but two evils, one minor and the other major.

The Apostle does not condemn marriage but rather incontinence.

But the apostle did not condemn the good of marriage, but the evil of incontinence, which is to use a wife even beyond the need for procreating children. For why do you take a wife? Do not read my disputations, but your own documents. Read, pay attention, and if you have done more, be ashamed. Read, and I will listen: it is necessary for me because of you. Certainly, you read thus: "for the sake of procreating children." If there is therefore something more, it is from evil. Look, inspect, examine yourself. If you do nothing more than what is to be done "for the sake of procreating children," the apostle has nothing to forgive you for. But if you do more, what you are doing is evil, what you are doing is a sin. But do you still wish to know what the good of marriage is? Through the good of marriage, the evil of incontinence is venial. Lust has been stirred; you have been overcome, you have been drawn, but you have not been dragged away from your wife. The penalties of incontinence would have overtaken you if marriage had not interceded for you. Therefore, if you are married and wish that there be nothing for which the apostle grants you pardon, do not exceed the limits of your documents.

Those who have wives should be as though they had none.

But you are not yet bound: do not seek it. For he who can use his wife only for the purpose of begetting children, can also abstain. He is a victor over lust, he controls the movements of the flesh, he firmly holds the reins of temperance, he guides that motion like a horse wherever he wishes, he does not lose the right of control. Therefore, since you are still unbound and still not chained, free from a wife, do not seek a wife. For if it is said to the married: The time is short, it remains that those who have wives should be as though they had none, why do you wish to have, when you can, with continence intact, not have?

The ancient fathers out of a sense of duty took wives.

For why does the people need to be propagated by God, through whom Christ, the salvation of the nations, shall come? For when that people were being propagated, by the very duty of piety they were compelled to take wives, even those who could abstain. By the duty of piety the holy fathers begot children, by the duty of piety the holy mothers bore children: they could also abstain. They served by propagating the people: it was a duty. Now a multitude is already open and everywhere, from which spiritual children are chosen and a holy people is made for Christ in the adoption of immortality for a heavenly inheritance. Therefore, then was the time for embracing, now the time for refraining from embrace. The Prophet says, let us hear: There is a time for everything. A time to embrace, a time to refrain from embracing. A time to embrace: the prophetic time; a time to refrain from embracing: the evangelical time. A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together. There was a time to cast away stones, to propagate men. For God is able from these stones to raise up children for Abraham. Why then are they still being cast away? Now let those who have been cast away be gathered. It was said that the stones should be cast away: Cursed is he who does not raise up the seed of Israel. It is said that the stones should be gathered: The time is short, it remains that those who have wives be as though they had none. Therefore now whoever can accept this, let him accept it. Then even he who could accept it did not undertake the office of continence: however, the virtue was within the man. Just as they had wives for the sake of God, unless perhaps we think that if it had been said to Abraham to abstain, such a pious virtue could waver, which could even, when ordered by the Lord, offer his own heir to be sacrificed, from whom he had received him to be raised? Therefore their time was different.

"Faith obtains self-restraint."

Therefore, let no one prescribe from this, let no one think this obligation has been imposed on him. "Who can accept this, let him accept it." "But I cannot," he says. You cannot? "I cannot." A certain nurturing authority of the Apostle has taken you up, that if they cannot contain themselves, let them marry. Let something be done so that pardon may be obtained. Let it pertain to forgiveness, so that one may not rush into eternal punishment. Let what is allowed be done so that what is not allowed may be forgiven. This is indicated by what follows: "I would rather they marry than burn." “I have granted something to incontinence,” he says, “because I feared something greater: I feared eternal punishment, I feared what awaits the adulterers.” Also let those who are married, in their mutual use beyond the necessity of procreation, consider these things for which it is said every day: "Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors." But let those who can accept this, accept it, and let them pray so they can. Faith also achieves continence: “Since I knew,” says the holy Scripture, “since I knew that no one can be self-controlled, unless God grants it, and it was part of wisdom itself to know whose gift this was.” When you fear continence as if it were a punishment, you do not knock at the door of grace. Do not think it is a punishment. When you can, it will not be troublesome. He will grant it, whose gifts are to be sought. Knock: you will be given; ask, seek: you will find. The fountain always flows, let faith not be lazy. And yet let him who can accept this, accept it; he who cannot, if he cannot contain himself, let him marry.

Let mercy move spouses in granting or not granting the debt.

Love one another. The man may, the woman may not: do not seek the due, but give it back. And in that which you return to the one who no longer seeks, if you do not seek it, you show mercy. I absolutely dare to say: it is mercy. For if you do not return it, with desire conquered, wife, or if you do not return it, woman, the man, conquered by desire, will become an adulterer. I do not want you to be honored so much that you want him to be condemned. What if you do not seek it anymore, but only return it: it is regarded as abstinence. For it is not demanded by lust, but it is returned through mercy. Absolutely tell your God: "Lord, you know in me what you have given, but I also hear what you have warned, for you have made both me and my spouse, and you wished no one to perish." Turned towards the Lord...